Christmas should be a happy time and I was miserable. The room was decorated like a Christmas bomb had gone off in the Library, thanks to Megan and there was the biggest Christmas tree I had ever seen in the corner. Everyone was singing and dancing to carols and cheesy Christmas songs. Even my father was having a ‘dad’ dance with Maria. Oh the horrors! I sat in the oversized chair looking into the roaring fire and wondered why the hell I wasn’t happy? I had more now than I ever had. I had friends, family, Reuban and more importantly I had our baby growing inside me. I worried what sort of life my baby would have and I finally understood why my mother had kept the truth from me. In a few more months I would officially be a mother and I didn’t feel ready. Was I doing the right thing bringing a baby into this world? Especially now? I still believed I was the reason the people I loved got hurt, no matter what my father said. I was always at the centre of the shit when it hit the fan and I really didn’t want to put my baby through that. What if I got my own child killed? I doubt that would happen. It was something that had been nagging me for the last two months since I discovered I was pregnant. This child deserved better than having me as its mother. Don’t get me wrong, I was over the moon that I was having Reuban’s baby and he was becoming so over protective it was ridiculous. It made him happier than I had ever seen him. He keeps nagging me to set a date for the wedding but I couldn’t think about that right now. I was still wondering what things would be like if I had never been born. I know everyone would have been safer without me around.
“You should stop thinking like that you know…” I looked up to see Maria furrowing her eyebrows at me,
“Just because I decided I would lead, doesn’t mean I’ve accepted anything,” I sighed. Maria sat in the chair next to me and smiled.
“Look at everyone Jess…everyone’s happy and that’s because of you…”
“Is it? Look at the pain they’ve all been through because of me. I can’t help thinking the way I do!”
“I know honey but you’re having Reuban’s baby now and you have to snap out of it,”
“You’re right I suppose…”
“There’s no suppose about it. You raged over your parents not telling you the truth and being there for you and now…well…this child is very lucky to have you and Reuban as its parents. Although Reuban does keep glaring at everyone when they come near you…look, he’s doing it now…”
I turned my head so I could just about see around the wing of the chair and saw Reuban dancing with Diana as he watched me like a hawk. If looks could kill I think Maria was a goner for sure. I shook my head knowing full well Reuban was going to get worse and I would end up having a doozy of an argument with him.
“Come on, stop sulking over things that could have been and enjoy Christmas for a change. We all know it’s not your favourite time of year because it has some pretty shit memories but things have changed and its time you made new ones.” Of course Maria was right, so I smiled and before I knew what was happening she dragged me to the others, bouncing her hip off mine making me laugh.
Before long I found myself wrapped around Reuban in bed. All the dancing and laughing had made me feel exhausted and I was snuggled in his arms listening to him breathe.
“It’s ok you know baby to feel scared…” he suddenly said. I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his eyes,
“I don’t feel scared…” I felt terrified!
“It’s new for both of us and remember I can feel your emotions now…”
“Shit I forgot about that!” I mumbled.
“I can feel how unsure you are and it’s growing by the day.”
“I can’t help it. It was reckless of me to get pregnant!” I sighed.
“It took two of us baby and it wasn’t reckless…” he lay his hand on my belly and smiled.
“…this baby was made from love. Our love. I know you can feel me and I promise not to be too protective but you’re pregnant with my first born. I’m just as scared as you but there’s something else…I know there is!” His eyes were sparkling amber and I could feel his love for me and his child.
“I…its ok…I’m fine.” Of course I was lying and Reuban knew it when I felt him huff.
“I suppose at some point you’ll tell me?” I rubbed around his nipple to distract him, “It’s a good job I like to be distracted by you!” he laughed and then tossed me onto my back until is hot naked body had pinned me to the bed.
“Who says I’m distracting you?” I chuckled.
“I am!” he said nipping at my ear. I could already feel his cock swelling against me, seriously it was no wonder I was pregnant.
“But what a distraction.” I said panting as he licked across my shoulder. The best thing about being bonded again was the fact I could feel Reuban. Sex was definitely a new experience feeling it from both perspectives. I could feel the blood rushing into Reuban’s cock and it was making my clit swell and throb. I didn’t have time to dwell on the feeling when I felt Reuban’s teeth on my nipples. I was sure he liked to bite and lick because of his wolf but I wasn’t going to over analyse, not now. He rose from my body and hooked my legs over his big powerful thighs so he could look at my naked body.
“I swear you get more beautiful every time I see you.” he smiled and then I felt his cock rubbing against my clit. Even before the bond I felt so much for Reuban it scared me and now I loved him so much it hurt. He quickly turned me over so I was on my knees and began nudging his cock against me. Every stroke across my clit made me pant louder and louder until I thought I was going to come with him doing just that. Reuban could feel how close I was too because he began nudging himself inside me, deeper and deeper until my muscles took all of him. I threw my head back as he started to thrust harder and harder. I didn’t think I could take anymore until he raised my legs over his hips, holding me in place with his hands. He was deep now and with every thrust I felt him hit the end of me. I was letting go when I felt Reuban’s orgasm shoot down his spine. It felt different being able to feel him coming but I was soon screaming his name as he spilled inside me. I hadn’t locked inside him since we bonded but it didn’t matter anymore. He stilled and looked at me. I felt a little awkward because I still had my legs around his hips but he was rocking gently inside me as he lowered me back down to the mattress. I turned around until I was resting on my back. Reuban made sure we hadn’t broken contact and was still inside me, rocking ever so slowly. As he ran his hand over my belly smiling, I felt another orgasm pulse through my body and I shook in his arms. He leaned forward because he knew what I would need now. My fangs erupted from my gums and I sank them as gently as I could into his neck. He was mine just as much as I was his. I must have fell asleep shortly afterwards because I suddenly felt myself jerk awake and to my absolute horror I had two blue eyes looking down at me as I lay naked next to Reuban’s sleeping body. I was about to scream when I realised who’s bitchy face was looking at me.
“Fate what the fuck do you want?”
“Is that anyway to greet someone that saved your life?” she bitched loudly.
“Will you shut up, Reuban’s asleep.” I whispered as bitterly as I could.
“Oh the wolf can’t hear us…I’m here for you, not him!” One of these days Jess you’re going to kill that bitch but she did have a point, she did save your life. I pushed her away from me, realising she was straddling me on the bed and grabbed my silk dressing gown from the chair. I smiled as she fell awkwardly, cracking her ass on the floor. She got up and brushed herself down.
“What do you want Fate?”
“I think I’ve established that…I mean why are you here?” I grunted. She liked to play games and I had enough with my father doing that all the time.
“It’s not like I want to be but what the Creator wants I have to do…” she huffed running a blonde curl through her fingers,
“The Creator?” Obviously, I knew now there was this divine being that created everything but I never thought he, she, whoever, would interfere in my life. Come on, who was I kidding, everybody else wanted to!
“Yep…I’ve been sent to put your mind at rest about who you are and apparently this shit only works on Christmas Eve. Believe me I would rather be in the Underworld with Nergel but as I can’t refuse the Creator I’m here…”
“Nergel hey?” I smirked. Everyone knew she had a thing for the God of the Underworld ever since Angie came on the scene. Fate rolled her eyes at me and grabbed my arm. I slapped her hand away.
“Look Jess, I know you don’t like me…” I snorted my agreement, “…but if you carry on the way you are you won’t have much of a life and neither will your child.”
“Leave my child out of this!”
“Oh for fucks sakes!” Fate screamed and then everything went white and we were in the middle of a grey corridor,
“Where the hell are we?”
“We’re in time…this is the corridor where all time is connected. Each door is a moment in your life and I am the only one to have access to it, unfortunately for me. I am here to show you your past…” I looked at her and then it hit me.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me? You’re the ghost of Christmas past aren’t you?” I laughed.
“It’s not like I want to be!” she spat,
“I’m in a Charles Dickens novel.” I screamed, could my life get any weirder?
“It wasn’t a novel…anyhows…how did you think he got the idea?”
“You’re telling me it was a true story?” Seriously who had this life?
“Yep, although he did exaggerate a little according to my predecessor but I suppose that’s what authors do?”
“So what? You’re gonna show me some happy moment of my past that will make me suddenly feel better about myself?”
“Not quite. Come we need to walk further down this corridor. The event I want to show you happened quite a while ago…”
“I’m in my dressing gown!” I spat through my scrunched face as I starting walking next to her.
“You’re not going to be seen. It’s more like a memory of a moment…it’s already happened.”
We stopped at a door and she opened it pushing me through.
“Where the hell are we?” I hissed through my fangs. I rubbed a hand over my belly suddenly feeling protective of my baby,
“You’ll see.” she nodded and then motioned for me to be quiet. It didn’t take long for me to realise where I was when I saw my mother pulling an eight year old version of myself up the stairs by my arm. I remembered this night and it was one of the reasons I had started to hate Christmas. I remembered how my mother had dragged me to my room and told me to quickly pack a bag. That night I had to leave everything behind and I hated her for making me leave on Christmas Eve. All she would say is that we had to leave. It was nothing unusual but we had never done it on Christmas Eve. I remembered crying while she yelled at me for being stubborn but I didn’t want to leave. She let me take one present and I hated her for it. It was this moment I first wished I had never been born and now it was playing out in front of me.
“Good, you’re remembering…” Fate smiled.
“You’re a bitch for bringing me here!” I turned around to go back through the door when she grabbed my arm.
“You were too young to realise what was happening that night but it’s time you were shown the truth…come…” she pulled at my arm.
“I know what happened!” I hissed bearing my fangs.
“You can cut that out. Are you sure you know?” Fate started to walk down the stairs behind my mother after she locked my other self in my room. I shook my head and followed her. I saw my mother rummage in the cupboard under the stairs and then to my surprise pulled out a crossbow. Then came the steel tipped arrows! What the fuck?
“Azazeal, I swear to God, when I see you again I’m chopping your balls off.” my mother muttered for me to snigger. Then I heard the floorboards’ creek. We were not alone. I watched as my mother pushed her body against the wall and looked around the door jamb. She looked so small and just like me as she clutched the crossbow in her hands. I walked towards her and then I saw it. I moved myself in front of her as I saw two Ethos Vamps coming straight for her. I punched at them but they simply walked through me.
“I wouldn’t bother Jess. Remember you’re not really here, it’s only a memory…it’s already happened.” Fate laughed and I wanted to punch her in the face, I just might later.
Before I could argue I watched a Vamp walk through the door for my mother to kick him in the balls and stab him through the heart with a steel dagger, where the hell did she pull that from? Then the other came running at her as he saw his friend turn to ash.
“Not this time you fucker. I won’t let you have her!” she yelled and then fired the crossbow, missing him.
“You think the Queen will stop? You’re more stupid than I thought you would be.” He laughed but my mother had already reloaded the crossbow and this time she didn’t miss. The Vamp looked horrified as he clutched at the arrow through his chest, then puff he was ash. I watched my mother with worry on her face as she ran towards the curtain. She looked through the window and I looked around her to see more Vamps walking down the street. They passed for human good enough but I could tell what they were and so could she. She grabbed a present from under the tree and then a pre-packed case from under the sofa. Pulling the mirror from the wall she exposed a hole that was filled with money and a gun.
“God damn you Azazeal. Just once I could do with a hand.” she grunted as she loaded the gun with wooden bullets, “Jess will never forgive me for doing this on Christmas Eve. You’re a mother fucking bastard…you hear me? You’re a fucking twat bag!” she cursed looking up. I had a little chuckle to myself at how much she was cursing. I watched her grab the car keys from the side board. She ran upstairs and then I heard me.
“But mommy it’s Christmas….I don’t want to go…please mommy…I don’t want leave all my presents…but mommy…” My heart broke watching her drag me down the stairs pushing the Christmas present into my arms. I was screaming and kicking because I didn’t understand. The car was always parked around the back and I finally understood why, it was our getaway if something happened. I watched her load me into the car with our bags and then the last thing I heard was screeching tyres. I remembered the rest of it from a child’s point of view. We spent the next week in a grotty Bed and Breakfast because everywhere decent was booked for Christmas. We ate turkey Pot Noodles and watched TV while I sat miserable looking at the still wrapped present. I never opened it, not even to this day.
I never understood what had happened that night as a child. I thought I had done something wrong and was being punished. How could I have known what she had done was to protect me? Fate held onto me as I felt tears roll down my face and I suddenly found myself back in my room with Reuban snoring like a hippo in bed. I wiped away the tears because I didn’t want anyone, let alone Fate see me cry.
“It’s ok you know. I understand more than you think but you needed to see that night for what it really was. You’ve blamed yourself for over twenty years thinking you had done something wrong but you hadn’t. Your mother was a good woman and only did what she did to protect you…”
“Maybe if she told…”
“Will you stop going there? You were a child, an innocent in all this but your mother loved you very much…”
“And I still do…” I turned around to see my mother siting in the chair in the corner of the room. She got up and moved towards me.
“I’m sorry that you didn’t understand what was happening but if we hadn’t left at that moment they would have taken you and I would have lost you forever. That was not an option.” I was stood stunned. My mother was here.
“I thought you couldn’t be here without unleashing hell?” I said looking at her with teary eyes.
“Let’s just say I’ve got a ‘get out of jail free card’ for tonight only. The Creator lets me out for very special occasions.” she smiled and then had me in the tightest hug I ever felt.
“Fuck you’re strong,” I strained. My mother held me at arm’s length and then hit me hard on the arm.
“Will you stop swearing?” she glared and then I hugged her again.
“How quaint but it looks like my time here has ended…” Fate began to say for my mother to interrupt her,
“Oh just fuck off Fate!” she spat for Fate to throw her hands in the air.
“And this is the thanks I get for helping out? Seriously you wonder why I’m a bitch. This is it.”
“FUCK OFF!” I yelled, for my mother to hit me and Fate to disappear shaking her head.
“Stop swearing!” My mother frowned.
“You swore!” I argued back.
“I’m you’re mother.” she smiled and then she looked serious. “Jess I’m here to show you the present. I wish I could stay longer but my time is limited.
“Shit, you’re the ghost of Christmas Present?” I sighed for her to hit me again.
“Yes and language.” she smiled.